He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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