at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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