I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dicks are not precious.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
