tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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