I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
