i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
