I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
