I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
