so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
