New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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