Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
