Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
