Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
