I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
