How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
