I'm so fucking centered right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
