ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
operation harelip BJ is a go
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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