so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He better not be in your backpack
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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