hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
