wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
