On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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