How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
