I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
