Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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