You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
