we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
