the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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