Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
