clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
