Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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