I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
