ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Two words: nipple clamps
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