just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
