my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
