oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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