none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
