I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
