The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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