I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I AM VODKA MAN
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
