Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
