We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
