I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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