wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
