just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
