I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You need Xanax blowdarts
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
