Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
