You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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