so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
