READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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