Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
