Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
