What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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