you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
